neigedens: shirley examining tiny nipples (uhura hearts you yes you)
Where are the Snowdens of yesteryear? ([personal profile] neigedens) wrote2011-06-14 10:41 pm

the promised tl;dr thoughts on old movies. THIS WEEK: Star Wars: A New Hope

OK, so my theory in "A New Hope," (and I can't believe it took me until I'm almost 22 to articulate this theory) is that right after destroying the Death Star, Han, Leia, and Luke had the galaxy's most ILL-ADVISED threesome while drunk on Romulan ale or whatever the hell they drink a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away.

I mean, say that it was so awkward that they never spoke of it again, so awkward that finding out that Luke and Leia were siblings only made it slightly more awkward. (I think Han had always idly fantasized about doing it with a pair of twins, but then when it turned out that he actually had he felt retroactively really skeeved out.)

Assuming this makes the medal ceremony scene, like, 60 times funnier, what with Han's irascible smiles, Luke's constant :D? :D? face (I'm pretty sure he was thinking about how he, as a small one-man fighter, had managed to penetrate an incredibly dense and advanced security system, taking a one-in-a-million shot at a thermal exhaust port which set off a chain reaction that then DESTROYED HIS VIRGINITY), and Leia apparently being so flustered and exasperated by all of it that she FORGOT TO GIVE CHEWIE HIS MEDAL. (And now I've written fic, to illustrate the truthiness of this theory.)


  • You guys, I love Chewie. He is my favorite because I love Muppets. That's why I love ESB!Yoda and don't give a fuck about him in the new trilogy (besides the fact that it's the new trilogy and I never give a fuck about anything in it except how long until it's over.) Muppets! Comic gold. Plus I love how Han and Chewie are BEST FRIENDS FOREVER. There's this part when they're hiding in the Falcon just after being abducted by the Death Star when Han pats him on the head, at which I'm just like awwww. Like, I'm pretty sure Han can't reach Chewie's head most of the time, so he really grasps the opportunity when possible.

  • Fun thing about writing fic is that your newfound head-canon makes familiar movies that you've literally seen dozens of times new and exciting. Like when Han says he's made a lot of ~special modifications~ to the Falcon I'm just like yeah, UHURA SURE SOUPED IT THE HELL UP FOR YOU DIDN'T SHE, duh doy.

  • My favorite part of the movie is when Han chases all the stormtroopers down a hallway in the Death Star and, for whatever reason (faulty programming? a lemming-like instinct? pure idiocy?) they all run away from him. Lolzy as fuck every time. Oh Han, I love you.

  • My favorite OT3 moment (besides the implicit INCREDIBLY AWKWARD THREESOME) is when the three of them walk away with their arms around each other's shoulders, like a bunch third grade girls. It's so sweet but also dorky in a way the three of them usually aren't, not even Luke, which is why I'm so thoroughly convinced by the threesome idea. I mean, once you do something that awkward yet sweet with two other people it's really only a hop, skip, and a jump to a threesome. (Or, in my case from the third grade, a hop, skip, and a jump to trading those beaded lizard necklaces. Either/or.)

  • "'Cause no mystical energy field controls my destiny. It's all a lot of simple tricks and nonsense." To get unforgivably serious business here for a second, this quote has really resonated with me, though I can't really say that it's ever struck me especially before this. (So, I guess I only decide to get introspective and thoughtful about a movie until I watch it like 20 times. Sounds about right!) I mean, I know it's only there to show that Han is a ~selfish hustler~ with no concern for anyone but himself. (Well, and for his furry boyfriend, Chewie, and his metal girlfriend, the Falcon, but NEVER MIND.) But as an atheist motto I kind of like it. I don't know, I don't really find the idea that depressing. After all, simple tricks and nonsense is an accurate description of most of the fun parts of life anyway. Alcohol definitely falls under one of those.


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