neigedens: shirley examining tiny nipples (j&tb)
Where are the Snowdens of yesteryear? ([personal profile] neigedens) wrote2010-10-13 01:22 pm

COMMUNITY/MST3K FIC: Experiment 513: Kickpuncher, Abed/Troy, 2,000 words

You were just thinking "Man, when is Briana going to finish that Community/MST3K crossover fic she started writing 3 months ago?" SURE YOU WERE.

Title: Experiment 513: Kickpuncher (Part 2 of 2)
Word Count: 1260 (this part)
Notes: Still [personal profile] dancesontrains's fault. Same notes apply as in Part One. Also, if you don't know what The Human Centipede is, I would suggest asking a trusted friend or family member because they might have more consideration for your delicate sensibilities than the wiki summary or anything you might Google would.

Summary: Troy and Abed's summer temp job goes a little off the rails.

Abed and Gypsy are sitting under one of the hexagonal windows that look out onto the stars. Both of them have burritos. Abed has a can of Diet Squirt.

GYPSY: So, that is the entire history of the Satellite of Love, up to right now.
ABED: Wow. (he pauses) Kind of a misleading name, isn't it?
GYPSY: Oh, I don't know. Do you want to talk about -Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea now?

Cambot pans right, where Crow and Servo are watching Troy dig underneath the desk.

TROY (from beneath the desk): I'm not a neat freak or anything. Don't get me wrong. (He comes up with a pile of papers, magazines, a Slinky, and one of Servo's ever-present replacement heads.) But when was the last time you guys cleaned this place up? At all?
SERVO: Oh, here and there. You know, 1992 was a good year for cleaning.
CROW: Mm-hmm.
TROY: Is this a golf magazine? I hate golf. God, this place sucks. I'm stuck in space with a couple of robots built sometime in 1962. And the holodeck's broken, no thanks to you, Crow.
CROW: Listen, Roy, you can do this whole doom and gloom act now--
SERVO: In fact, go ahead!
CROW: Yeah, we actually find your pain and suffering pretty funny at this point. But get it together because pretty soon you're gonna be called on by...them. (Both he and Servo look directly at the camera.) They're going to find your pain and suffering delicious.
TROY (looking at the camera): Them? You mean...Cambot?
CROW: No, stupid! The Mads.
TROY: You mean green lab coat dude and Spit-Curl down there? Right, I can't wait to see what ~dastardly experiementation~ they have planned for me and Abed. (He laughs. Servo and Crow look at each other and shake their heads.)
SERVO (sighing): All right, kid, you're a teenager that was raised on Hula Hoops and AOL and a lot of things I don't really understand, so I'm going to break this down into smaller bits for you. What was the last movie you watched that was about a mad scientist and human experimentation?
TROY (considering): I think it and Abed got dared to watch The Human Centipede by the greasy-looking kid from the campus center.
SERVO: Well, I've never seen that and I have no idea what that is, but let me assure you that whatever Dr. F and Frank have in store for you is roughly ten--
CROW: No, twenty.
SERVO: Twenty kajillion times worse.
TROY: Really? Wow, I...don't really know how I feel about that. (He gets a disgusted yet thoughtful sort of look on his face as Abed enters from the left with Gypsy. As they do, the Mads sign goes off.) I suppose if I was the one in the front...
ABED: Troy? Are you ready? I think Beakman and Jax are calling.
TROY: Dude, that's who that guy reminded me of! I was trying to think of it. (Abed pushes the button.)

Deep 13

Deep 13 is still a mess from the spring cleaning in last episode.

DR. F: (laughing maniacally) Oh, look at them squirm, Frank.
FRANK: (laughing too) It's delicious.
DR. F: Like eating a nice, juicy, charbroiled steak soaked in the tears of dejected toddlers.
FRANK: Ye-e-s--wait, ew.
DR. F: Is the experiment ready, Frank?
FRANK: Yep. All right, guys and dollls, I got a good one for your first one of out of the gate. It's a clunker from a little studio with a dream to see big, stupid beefcake guys plaster themselves in as much metal crap as they could before they act out long, awkward scenes of sexual innuendo and post-apocalytic battle scenes. Kids, say hello to...Kickpuncher! I'm told that his cyber punches have the power of kicks.
DR. F: (laughing again) Suck on that, newbies!

Satellite of Love

TROY: Wait, Kickpuncher?
SERVO (shuddering): You got off lucky. Just think if it had been starring Joe Don Baker. Or Dom Deluise.
TROY: Who?
ABED: (raising his hand) Excuse me, Mr. Mad Scientist? I have a question. Troy and I have already seen that movie.

Deep 13

DR. F: Hmmm, really? Let me just check if I...give a damn. Frank?
FRANK: (checking a clipboard), it looks like you don't.
DR. F: Why, it looks like there's not a damn to be found in all of Deep 13. (He shrugs at the camera.)

Satellite of Love

ABED: But Gypsy just told me that the integrity of your experiment depends upon it being a movie that me and Troy haven't seen before. Isn't that right, Gypsy?
GYPSY: Hey, yeah! (All the bots and Troy make generic sounds of agreement.)
ABED: I don't want to tell you how to do your jobs, but it's kind of a central tenet of your hypothesis. You could lose funding. You're aired on basic cable, you'd probably get a lot of angry letters.
TROY: Yeah, geeks hate it when you retcon stuff like that...not that I'd know.

Deep 13

DR. F: That's...Frank, is that ridiculous?
FRANK: Um...well, technically he's right. Gizmonic could cut funding. I can't help but notice that they've already removed their logo from the door.
DR. F: Hmph. Fine. Frank, find me another experiment.
FRANK: (He looks around to survey the room's general disarray and looks nervous.) Sure. No problem.

Satellite of Love

ABED: Well, that solved that problem nicely. Gypsy, are there anymore of those burritos around?
CROW: Kid, I hate to break this to you, but once they find another movie it's not gonna matter how many fancy Gizmonic loopholes you jump through.
ABED: I don't think so, somehow.

Deep 13

(Dr. F and Frank are both in the background. Frank is frantically digging through old boxes, take-out containers, and detritus from old invention exchanges. He, noticeably, is completely failing to uncover any new experiment footage, which probably explains all the shouting.)

DR. F: Where is it, Frank? What did you do with it?!
FRANK: It's around here somewhere...I gave it to Troy to put away, I know I did...
DR. F: (scowling at the camera) All stupid kids may think you've pulled one on us, but think again! Once Frank finds the box with all the experiments, you're in for a movie worse than ten, no, twenty kajillion Kickpunchers.

Satellite of Love

SERVO: The Sam Scratch is going on? Kid, how did you make all the experiments disappear like that?
ABED: (shrugging) I guess I just trusted in Troy's innate lack of filing skills.
TROY: Wait, what did I do?
ABED: When we were temping for them last week, Frank gave you the box with the experiments to put away.
TROY: Oh, is that what that was? I think I put it down in the cellar with all of Forrester's cans of New Coke.
ABED: It'll be like the end of Raiders of the Lost Ark. No one will ever find it again.
SERVO: experiment this week?
ABED: Nope. (All the bots make celebratory whooping noises.)
TROY: Wow. How did I know to do that? I'm a genius.
CROW: You're like an idiot savant.
TROY: Minus the idiot! But, seriously, Abed, you did really great there.
SERVO: That was pretty impressive.
GYPSY: Good job!
ABED: Thanks.
TROY: I'm sorry for getting mad at you earlier. I totally would let you be the front end of the centipede, for what it's worth.
ABED: Thanks, Troy. That means a lot. (They hug. The bots all "awwww.")
SERVO: (sniffling) I love the sentimental endings.
CROW: What do you think, sirs?

Deep 13

DR, F: You all disgust me. FRANK!
FRANK: What about this Lesley Sansone jazzercise tape? That's gotta be pretty painful to watch. I know I got some pretty nasty shin splints just from doing them!
DR. F: Goddammit--just. Just push the button, Frank. (Frank does.)

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