neigedens: shirley examining tiny nipples (troy/abed)
Where are the Snowdens of yesteryear? ([personal profile] neigedens) wrote2010-06-13 08:11 pm

This is kind of an early birthday gift TO MYSELF

You were just thinking, "Why hasn't anyone written any Community/MST3K crossover fic?" SURE YOU WERE.

Title: Experiment 513: Kickpuncher (Part 1 of 2)
Word Count: 960 (this part)
Notes: This is ENTIRELY [personal profile] dancesontrains's fault. I wrote it because it was an idea of hers. It probably won't make much sense if you haven't seen the MST3K ep Mitchell. The dates between the two canons don't quite make sense, but "if you're wondering how the timelines work out and other geographic facts / just repeat to yourself 'It's just a fic, I should really just relax.'"

Summary: Troy and Abed's summer temp job goes a little off the rails.


Abed sits in the center wearing a blue jumpsuit that is rolled up to the elbows and obviously much too large for him. Next to him is Tom Servo, a stout red, gumball machine-headed automaton with intermittently-functional arms. Off-screen every now and then a couple of metallic bangs will sound and there's some distant shouting, but Abed and Servo ignore the noises and talk over them.

ABED: So I just talk into the camera?
ABED: That's weird. Kinda like Ferris Beuller's Day Off. I don't know if I can pull it off. Am I really a Matthew Broderick type?
SERVO (shuddering): Thank god, no. Look, kid, you can make all the John Hughes references you want, but you still gotta do it.

Abed shrugs, clears his throat and, looking directly at Cambot, waves.

ABED: Hello. I'm Abed. Recently me and my friend Troy took a job as temps for an evil corporation. We helped this sleepy-eyed guy escape from being stranded in space, but afterwards the evil corporation guys decided to send us up here in his place, so now we're stuck in outer space. Um.
SERVO: Ahem.
ABED: Oh, right. And this is Tom Servo. Welcome to the Satellite of Love.

He turns to look at Tom.

ABED: That's from Transformer by Lou Reed, right?
SERVO: It is?
ABED: Anyway. (he looks at Cambot again.) I guess I'm your new host.

He turns back to Tom, who has been shaking his head and tutting the entire time.

ABED: Was that OK?
SERVO: Oh, sure. You're a natural.
ABED: Wow, thanks. (he looks around.) I've never been in space before. I'd never thought it'd be so...empty. So lonely. (he sniffs the air.) So smelly.
SERVO: You know, I am standing right here.
ABED (still sniffing): What is that? It smells like--
SERVO: It's hamdingers. Trust me, you don't want to know.
ABED: But what--
SERVO: Honey, hush. We'll tell you when you're older.

Abed looks somewhat miffed at this. His lips twitch, but before he can say anything there's a much louder crash from off-screen. A few seconds after, Troy, who's wearing one of Joel's old Gizmonic jumpsuits, and Crow enter from the left. Crow is a gold robot with a beak that right now appears to be bent in the opposite direction it's supposed to be pointing. He has to turn backwards in order to talk.

CROW: Birdbrain here can't do diddly-squat about anything, I'll tell you that right now.
TROY: What made you think I know anything about fixing robots?
SERVO: Well, you are wearing the red jumpsuit.
CROW: Yeah!
ABED: He's got a point, Troy.
TROY: Don't you start. (he sits down next to Abed.) Maybe it's always been your lifelong dream to get kidnapped by mad scientists and experimented on with a bunch of robots but it's not mine, all right? I had big plans for this summer. Yeah, I did. There was gonna be go-karts. Yeah. And now--are you even listening to me?
SERVO: I was.

While Troy has been talking, Abed has beckoned to Crow and, after a few false starts, has managed to get Crow's beak pointing the right way.

ABED: Is that better?
CROW (shaking his beak out a little): Whoa. Yeah, it is. Jeez, was that so hard?
ABED: Don't blame Troy. He's in sort of a bad mood. He thinks that the jumpsuits make him look too hip-y.
CROW: He doesn't!
TROY: Abed!
SERVO: Ooh, really?
TROY: Don't tell them I told you that! Not that I did.
CROW: I don't think you look too hip-y.
ABED: I actually think he fills out a jumpsuit very well.
SERVO: Mm-hmm.
TROY: Oh, shut up.

He leans forward on the desk, looking mad but also a little pleased despite himself. He looks around moodily until his gaze lands on the camera.

TROY: Is that a camera?
ABED: That's Cambot.
TROY: Are you weirdos filming this? You filmed all that stuff about my hips?
SERVO: Well, it's not our fault. Plus you do have nice hips.

Everyone makes general noises of agreement, but Troy isn't having any of it.

TROY: New rule: no talking about my hips.
CROW: Hey, listen, new meat, you don't get to make rules. You just got here.
SERVO: Yeah!
CROW: As senior members of this crew, Servo and I are entitled to make any ground rules we like. Ground rule number one: you guys have to give us as many RAM chips as we want, whenever we want.
ABED (shrugging): OK.
TROY: Whatever.
CROW: Ha, well, too bad! Because--wait, you will?
ABED: Sure.
CROW: O...kay. Ground rule number two: stay out of the holodeck.
ABED (sitting up straighter): There's a holodeck?
SERVO: Crow, ix-nay, ix-nay!
TROY: What's a holodeck?
ABED: You know, like a virtual reality. With holograms.
TROY: Does it have go-karts?
CROW: Um, it's nothing to concern yourself with. Of course not.
ABED: Probably it does. I'll race you to see who can find it first.
TROY: You're on.

They rush off together.

SERVO (calling after them): Wait, you can't! I'll tell!
CROW: Tell who?
SERVO: Oh, shut up, Crow. This is all your fault. Come on, we've got to stop them.
CROW: You know, go-karts actually sound pretty fun. Why didn't we ever think of that?

They leave. After a second, Crow's head comes back in the frame.

CROW: Uh, we'll be right back after...go-karts, HEY, YOU GUYS, WAIT FOR ME. HEY!

He zooms off again.

On to Part Two!



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