the promised tl;dr thoughts on old movies. THIS WEEK: Star Wars: A New Hope

OK, so my theory in "A New Hope," (and I can't believe it took me until I'm almost 22 to articulate this theory) is that right after destroying the Death Star, Han, Leia, and Luke had the galaxy's most ILL-ADVISED threesome while drunk on Romulan ale or whatever the hell they drink a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away.

I mean, say that it was so awkward that they never spoke of it again, so awkward that finding out that Luke and Leia were siblings only made it slightly more awkward. (I think Han had always idly fantasized about doing it with a pair of twins, but then when it turned out that he actually had he felt retroactively really skeeved out.)

Assuming this makes the medal ceremony scene, like, 60 times funnier, what with Han's irascible smiles, Luke's constant :D? :D? face (I'm pretty sure he was thinking about how he, as a small one-man fighter, had managed to penetrate an incredibly dense and advanced security system, taking a one-in-a-million shot at a thermal exhaust port which set off a chain reaction that then DESTROYED HIS VIRGINITY), and Leia apparently being so flustered and exasperated by all of it that she FORGOT TO GIVE CHEWIE HIS MEDAL. (And now I've written fic, to illustrate the truthiness of this theory.)

( more important thoughts on ANH: I LOVE WOOKIEES YOU GUYS )